FromColonToBracket

panic. worry. be reckless, be a nervous wreck. be quiet and be most satisfied in suffering and surrender to the ever increasing sense that you are insignificant. you are not special and you do not matter to the world. follow or lead, its just the way you perceive. the lamb and the kid find themselves together eventually. read, the more interesting thoughts people have been allowed to speak. find something worth putting your faith in, and replace it, when that gets old, with a new belief. find something new, something used and bruised blue, with or without value. focus on you. the constant thirst for knowledge is just another byproduct of soc

  "I've been thinking about life." she said it like she was listing the states of america or the capital of france. factual and empty of feeling. "I've been thinking about life. How fragile and temporal the world we're worrying about is. I mean, really fragile. In a hundred years the world's gonna be filled with a couple of brand new generations of worries about a brand new world. And none of it's ever going to make a difference. None of us are actually going to leave a fingerprint on eachother stronger than a thought that beautiful. I've been thinking. And it's beautiful." she pushes a stray hair behind her ear and then cups it, as if st

i feel dirty. not because my bed sheets are stained or because i've eaten today. not because you left me alone in my stained bed sheets last night and not because it's your best friend i've been texting today. i'm not filthy because of the decisions i made or the fact that i've not cried since the only person i've ever really loved left, and i don't shower twice a day because of the empty i've felt since. my stomach swells with the truth and it makes me feel sick that i'm not sick anymore. it's the picture in the locket and the penny at the bottem of the well. i'm sure there are words on the tip of my tongue but i can't articulate th

  This is: An apology: For the entirety of my continuous need for reassurance and simultaneous insecure ambivilance: I'm so scared to let you in, but mostly I'm scared of the fear that I'm scared to go back to life without you. Maria reassures me I had good days but I forget. Don't break me. For lulling you into a sense of stability and security of the knowledge that I'm near something worthwhile. For making you think I'm close to something worth holding onto. For every night I've sat contemplating the ideology that is fate and considering who's best interest this is actually in. For leaving you feeling compelled to continue to t

  This is what surrender tastes like. This is the bittersweet aftertaste of no regrets and spontaneity. This is love comparable to that which you'd heard of or read about, but not quite the same. I love you so much it makes me feel alone. When I take the scenic route to the house [home is an all-too round word] and I'm breathing in the post-snow-storm never-enough-oxygen air and my chest is heaving with the effort of each intake, steadying my pulse and brushing my hair into conformity. When my fingertips are going numb and suddenly the spaces between them seem to gape all too empty and I'd clench my fists if my balance wasn't so unsteady.

KNOW THIS:                        I am happy.

The way we began; the way we did everything:   Fast-paced and without looking back. I think feeling alive is what I'll miss the most.

  i. We're having fun and speaking in whispers so subject to circumstance that there's no chance of leaking through pores or running ink rainbows reflected in the puddles of last November. Nonsensical sonnets of sweet nothings that won't make a difference but matter the most. This matters the most. We are increasing heart rates and walking like giants through these city lights and laughter never felt so cold. "This is greenhouse and the sun is warm against my back, but I am facing lookward--I recommend it, it's a better view." ii. I want to scream but I've forgotten how to speak. I worry. I worry and I contemplate consequen

-and it's wonderful.